Being a Better Person

What does it mean at the end of the day to be a better person; I have wrestled with this idea and phase for the longest time now. One could say I never felt like a better person even knowing most people do tell me I am, I feel I have never reached a standard I have set for myself that I think I can’t reach. Meaning I think I have set the bar so high that I could never reach it even if I wanted to.

I have always tried my damndest to be a better person, either by helping out others or making people laugh and have fun. I try to make people feel comfortable around me all the time and have fun no matter what is going on in my life. I always tried to be a good person when I can and do the right thing but now I don’t know if it’s all worth it anymore.

But lately I have been jealous of what it would seem like everyone, I feel like I missed out on something and now it’s too late for me to join anymore. Not only that but it seems like I am always behind now on everything and can’t get a break at least once in a while, my jealousy is making me act different and think differently than before because its clouding my mind so no rational thoughts can be made. I feel like my life is over before it began to tell the truth, like I had to always watch my friends go on and succeed or achieve great things while I just sat on the sides lines and cheered for them, but in the back of my mind I was always saying “When is it my turn to shine?”. I had to sacrifice a lot and make do with what I had and never complained but I want more for my family and me and does that make me a bad person to think that way, does it make me less of a person to want better things? My life revolves around me taking care of my family something I have had to do since High School, making sure everything is ok and that food is in the house no matter what, I always believed these sacrifices made me a better person and built my character better since both of sisters are careless b*tches that upped left when they could, so I have had this weight on my chest all the time.

Out of my whole family only two people ever graduated High School and that is me and my mother, and I am only one to go on in my education in my family's entire history to get a Associates Degree. I am proud of this fact I was willing and able to do it and had the drive to go on and accomplish something like that a small feet to most but a big step to me.

So at the end of the day I always feel like I am not a better person like I have yet to reach that bar I have set for myself. You could say I do hold myself at a higher bar then most would ever set for themselves, why I don’t know but it’s like I expect myself to do more than I can. The fact I was born in June does not help by Gemini sign is correct, I feel like I am always battling myself over this all the time. And no matter what there is never a clean cut answer too.

Reflections

When you look into the mirror the reflection back should be of you

What happens when it is not there?

What happens when your reflection is of someone you don’t recognize?

What happens when the reflection does not fit you?

What happens when the reflection is not there?

Where do you go?

Where do you look?

Where do you start?

The Journey begins somewhere but where indeed,

Between the Start and End points that is called the journey or road, but finding the beginning is harder than the end